Nine Reasons that the Supreme Court Won’t Televise Its Proceedings

The United States Supreme Court has again rejected a request to allow video footage of proceedings in the Court.  Interviews with sources inside the Court reveal why the Court is so fearful of cameras in the courtroom:

9.  Like many primitive cultures, many Justices believe that cameras will steal their souls.

8.  Court can’t reach a consensus on whether Quentin Tarantino, Martin Scorsese, or Steve McQueen should direct.

Nolan Ryan About To Hug Woman On Field7.  Potential disruptions by Morganna the Kissing Bandit.

6.  Cameras might reveal that Justice Kennedy decides 5-4 cases by flipping a coin.

5.  The embarrassment of ratings for an ERISA oral argument being lower than a Judge Judy rerun on Channel 38.

4.  Concerns that video might “mis-educate the American people.”  Wait, that one’s real.

220px-Ruth_Bader_Ginsburg_official_SCOTUS_portrait3.  TV might cause Justice Thomas to double or even triple the number of questions he asks.

2.  The CIA has asked that Special Agent Bader Ginsburg not be shown on camera for fear of jeopardizing her undercover work in Azerbaijan.

1.  “How we decide cases is none of your damn business, Hippies, Hipsters, Hip-hoppers or whatever they call you nowadays.”

 

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